Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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