yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
