I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So apparently I’m into choking now
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