then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
