I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
