Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
