1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
