Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
