This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
