I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
