Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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