Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
