i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
