i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
