beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
