It's just like the Real World with babies
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wish there were birth control emojis
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
