Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
