I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
