i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
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Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize