I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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