Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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