Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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