he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
