I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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