My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
