she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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