She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
