Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it hurts more in the daytime
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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