is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
