I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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