If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
