I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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