i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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