Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
