a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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