he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
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I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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