An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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