I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
