Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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