ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
