Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
