Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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