I wish I only lived at night.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
