Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
