His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They took my balls.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
