and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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