I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
