i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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