I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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