i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
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Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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