dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
