My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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