She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
