not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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