so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.