So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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