i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
