Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
