p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
