i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
