so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
