if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
