You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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