I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
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Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Holy shit dude........stairs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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