cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Can Purell be used as lube?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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