Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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