so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
