Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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