Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Two words: blizzard sex
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
