all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize